PantherModerns – Ol’ dead man needs his laughs

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A Clever Couple

08.06.2008 (3:22 pm) – Filed under: Humor, Jokes ::

A couple in their seventies went to a sex therapist’s office in Melbourne..

The doctor asked, ‘What can I do for you?’ The old man said, ‘Will you watch us have sex?’ The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.

When the couple had finished, the doctor said, ‘There’s nothing wrong with the way you have sex,’ and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have sex with no problems, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally the doctor asked, ‘Just exactly what are you trying to find out?’

The old man said, ‘We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $170. We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare.

Is Australia great or what?’

Just in case you need more proof that we live in a crazy world

26.05.2008 (3:23 pm) – Filed under: Humor, Jokes ::

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.
Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death.
(Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman’s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.
(Do they look different reversed?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a
corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.
(A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.
(…so they’ll never know they went blind?)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time…
Reason: Under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.
(Let’s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere
else in the world that even comes close to this?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband’s lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired.
(Now this is justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England -
but only in tropical fish stores.
(But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother
must be in the room to witness the act.
(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.
(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had
to pass this law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending
machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be
dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”
(Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Who volunteers for this stuff?)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hummm….I won’t touch THAT one!)

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30
times its own weight and always falls over on its right
side when intoxicated.
(From drinking little bottles of…? Wonder how much the the govt.
paid for this relevant bit of research??)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Ah, geez)

An ostrich’s eye is bigger than it’s brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish don’t have brains.
(I know some people like that, too)